How to Feel Better About Yourself

How to feel better about yourself? To feel better, you need to think better first.

It's the classic story with a twist, a traveling salesman gets a flat tire on a dark, lonely road and then discovers he has no jack. He sees a light in a farmhouse. As he walks toward it, his mind churns: "Suppose no one comes to the door." "Suppose they don't have a jack." "Suppose the guy won't lend me his jack even if he has one." The harder his mind works, the more agitated he becomes, and when he the door opens, he punches the farmers and said yells, "Keep your lousy jack!"

That story brings a smile, because it pokes fun at a common type of self-defeatist thinking. How often have you heard yourself say: "Nothing ever goes the way I planned". "I'll never make that deadline". "I always screw up."

Such inner speech shapes your life more than any other single force. Like it or not, you travel through life with your thoughts spell gloom and doom, that's where you're headed, because put-down words sabotage confidence instead of offering support and encouragement.

To feel better, you need to think better.

How to feel better about yourself 1: Tune into Your Thoughts

The first thing Sue said to her new therapist was, "I know you can't help me, Doctor. I'm a total mess. I keep lousing up at work, and I'm sure I'm going to be canned. Just yesterday my boss told me I was being transferred. He called it promotion. But if I was doing a good job, why transfer me?"

Then, gradually, Sue's story moved past the put-downs. She had received her M.B.A. two years before and was marking an excellent salary. That didn't sound like failure.

At the end of their first meeting, Sue's therapist told her to jot down her thoughts, particularly at night if she was having trouble asleep. At her next appointment Sue's list included: "I'm not really smart. I got ahead by a bunch of flukes." "Tomorrow will be a disaster." "I've never chaired a meeting before." "My boss looked furious this morning. What did I do?"

She admitted, "In one day alone, I listed 26 negative thoughts. No wonder I' m always tired and depressed."

Hearing her fears and forebodings read out made Sue realize how much energy she was squandering on imagined catastrophes. If you've been feeling down, it could be you've sending yourself negative message too. Listen to the words churning inside your head. Repeat them aloud or write them down, if that will help capture them.

How to feel better about yourself 2: Isolate Destructive Words and Phrases.

Fran's inner voice kept telling her she was "only a secretary." Mark's reminded him he was "Just a salesman." With the word only or just, they were downgrading their jobs and, by extension, themselves.

By isolating negative words and phrases, you can pinpoint the damage you' re doing to yourself. For Fran and Marks, the culprits were only or just. Once those words are eliminated, there's nothing destructive about saying "I am a salesman" or "I' m a secretary." Both statements open doors to positive follow ups, such as, "I' m on my way up the ladder."

How to feel better about yourself 3: Stop the Thought

Stop-circuit negative message as soon as they start by using the one- word command stop!

"What will I do if...." stop!

In theory, stopping is a simple technique. In practice, it's not as easy as it sounds. To be effective at stopping, you have to be forceful and tenacious. Raise your voice when you give the command. Picture yourself drowning out the inner voice of fear.

There's a story about a man who went to a psychiatrist, "What's the trouble?" asked the doctor. "Two months ago my grandfather died and left me $75,000. Last month, a cousin passed away and left me $100,000."

"Then why are you depressed?"

“This month, nothing!"

When a person is in a depressed mood, everything can seem depressing. So once you' ve exorcised the demons by calling a stop, replace them with good thoughts.

5. Reorient Yourself

Have you ever been feeling down late in the day, when someone suddenly said, "Let's go out." Remember how your spirits picked up? You changed the direction of your thinking, and your mood brightened.